(Via Hot Air)

Remember how Silky Phony still denies being the father of Hunter’s child and how he said that he’d take a paternity test to prove it, if necessary? Well, it turns out that maybe he shouldn’t have made that promise:

In the first reaction from Hunter’s family, her younger sister Melissa told ABC News that Edwards should immediately follow through on his pledge to take a paternity test.

“I would challenge him to do so,” the sister said.

“Somebody must stand up and defend my sister,” she said. “I wish that those involved would refrain from bad-mouthing my sister.”

Oopsie. Now, obviously we don’t know whether he’s the father or not, but we have a hunch that Auntie Melissa may know something that we don’t about that. After all, it would be a bit daft for her to challenge him to take the test if she thought it was going to clear him, wouldn’t it?

He may have to downgrade that “99% honest” to a lower number soon. His whole story stinks to high heavens, and “fish” is the least nasty of those smells. He alleges that he finished the affair in 2006, well before any conception could have taken place, yet that still doesn’t explain why he was caught in her hotel room in the middle of the night a few months ago. To return her underwear, perhaps?

His buddy, Andrew Young, claims to be the father of the child which, as LC & IB DrewM puts it, means that if it’s true, then Rielle was “being passed around more than a bong at a Phish concert.” Sorry, but we can’t improve on that sentence. Nor can we get the coffee out of the keyboard that suddenly found its way in there when we first read it.

And then there’s the whole thing about the hush money (that, of course, aren’t hush money at all) that Silky Phony’s other buddy, Fred Baron, paid Rielle to go away, yet utterly and completely failed to tell tell Silky about it. According to Silky, that is. Er, sure. Happens all the time, dontcha know? We can’t count on all of our fingers and toes the times that friends of ours have thrown vast sums of money at our problems while completely refraining from as much as mentioning to us that they did so.

And finally there’s the notion that Silky Phony somehow fessed up now to “protect Hunter from harassment.” By making statements making her out to be a nymphomaniac slut sleeping with and getting impregnated by everything with a pulse. Please, Silky, whatever you do, don’t ever jump into the breach on behalf of our family. No, really. We wouldn’t survive the embarrassment resulting from your valiant and chivalrous defense.

Expect more confessions in the future and the “percentage of honesty” to drop below junk bond ROI levels. We know we do.

Final note about the National Enquirer and their trustworthiness/lack thereof. While we don’t believe that there can be much debate about them, er, generally “embellishing” their stories to make for better sales (that’s a British Understatement, by the way), it is worthwhile to keep in mind that, in cases like this one, they’re guilty of libel on a truly enormous scale if they don’t have their ducks lined up in a neat row. Add to that that they’ve been running stories like this one for years and years and that they generally, if not absolutely always, tend to target quite wealthy and powerful people with a lot to lose as a result of the allegations. In fact, in this case they’re targeting a truly obscenely rich lawyer. Then remind yourselves of the fact that the National Enquirer is still in business, as opposed to filing for bankruptcy to get out from under a few hundred enormous legal settlements.

Not to put too fine of a point on it, but all of that suggests that the National Enquirer tends to have a firmer grasp of the facts in these stories than they’re given credit for. Either that or obscenely rich and powerful celebrities are somehow exempt from the litigious urges of the rest of the population.

We report, you decide.

P.S.: Why is this filed under “hypocrites?” We’re glad you asked. Here’s a timeless quote from Silky Phony, back during the Monica Lewinsky days:

I think this President has shown a remarkable disrespect for his office, for the moral dimensions of leadership, for his friends, for his wife, for his precious daughter. It is breathtaking to me the level to which that disrespect has risen.

Quite true, Silky, quite true.

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 9th, 2008 at 5:06 PM and is filed under Bottom Feeders, Hypocrites, Idiotarians. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.