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Change Spam We Need
Posted by: in Bureaucracy, Democrat Culture of Corruption, Funny Shit, Humor8:50 PM
Since you can’t swing a dead terrorist around the Imperial Palace™ without hitting a New & Improved!™ Imperial Correspondent™ these days, we’re going to give you yet another treat in the form of an Imperial Guest Post™, brilliantly formulated by none other than that beacon of sweetness and fluff, LC Darth Bacon, Imperial Chef & Whoremonger-in-Chief™.
Take it away, Shlomo!
————————————————————————————–
So I’ve hit on a free-market solution that I think we can all agree on— Reverse Nigerian e-mail Scam.
Below, you’ll find the complete text of the form letter that can be used to end the financial crisis brought down upon the citizens of the United States, for the most part, by the corrupt whores in Washington, DC, when they forced, through fear of being labeled and sued into oblivion as “racist”, “bigoted” & “uncaring”, financial institutions to give out loans to people who they KNEW would never be able to pay them back. Do your Patriotic Duty™ and get to crankin’ out those e-mails!
Dear Sirs,
Please do not be alarmed at the way I am contacting you, and I trust God you will see your way to assisting me.
I am Mr. Henry Paulson, and I currently serve as Secretary of Treasury in a North American country, the US of A. I am due to be receiving the sum of USD700 billion (seven hundred billions), only the money seems to be held up. I got your name from the girl who runs the computer. This is where I need your help.
As soon as you can, God willing, I will need you to give me the number of your American account where I can wire this sum. For your trouble, as part of the settlement, I will give you the sum of exactly nothing.
Please be well, and I trust in God you will assist me honestly and without delay.
Yours, truly,
Mr. Henry Paulson
USA Secretary of Treasure
Sounds like a sure thing to me. There’s plenty of Rotties, and we have plenty of bandwidth, so get mailing!
Entries (RSS)
First!
September 24th, 2008 at 9:04 PMA devious idea… :em99:
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419’s
September 24th, 2008 at 9:09 PMAlways lookin’ for the 4:20’s :em01:
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Congress thinks they can make all 300 million of us their Mugus.
:em96:
September 24th, 2008 at 9:17 PMUsing
As a taxpayer, I feel a sudden urge to reach into my back pocket. I’m still confused as to if I’m checking my wallet, my bleeding butthole, or if I’m feeling a subconcious urge to grab my 9mm.
:em96:
In other news, I love how upside down the democrat proletariat is going on this whole thing. For fourty some odd years, they’ve been preaching about how “Evil corporations are out to destroy and subvert the country, mmmaannnn!” then they spent eight years ranting and railing against Reagans’ ‘Trickle down’ economics, and now suddenly they’re looking at the statement for their interest only ARM loan, and the papers for their 401K, and screaming “Bail those banks out! It’ll help the little guys.” In the meantime, I’ve got a secure job, and more then half my nest egg in extremely low risk long term investments. I’m pondering saving up for a down payment, and hitting the foreclosure auctions in about year or two.
It would be immensely entertaining if it wasn’t for the fact that our own elected whores were the ones who cooked the whole scheme up. I was mad enough about last years Fuzzy Math Tax scam. (Felt like someone stole my wallet full of money, but was nice enough to let me keep my pocket change.) This year we’re bailing out bad banks so the good banks can… learn from example? (Reminds me of elementary school, how we were all jealous because the special ed kids got more snacks and a longer recess.) :em41:
500 Billion dollars on private companies. Interestingly enough, the annual budget for the US Department of Defense for FY2007 was 439.2 Billion, sans supplemental spending for OIF and OEF. So apparently, in the mind of a liberal 500 Billion is way too much to defend the free world, but not quite enough to save their home loan and investment portfolio.
The main difference in my mind is that, when we spend the 439.2 Billion, I have faith in the people carrying on the mission. What are the odds that this 500 billion dollar bill isn’t going to wind up being a mass exercise in futility? We can bail out the banks all day, that still ain’t going to fix the major issues in this country involving personal and corporate debt, credit, energy costs, and the apathy that many Americans have when it comes to fiscal responsibility and saving for the future.
This isn’t a sector crisis, its a cultural crisis. We’ve based our entire economic model on allowing people to buy stuff they don’t need, with money they don’t have. We’ve encouraged it the point that IF those people suddenly woke up and said “Holy Cow, what am I doing with all these credit cards, a brand new car, and a half million dollar home!? I work at Wal-Mart for Gods sake! I’ve to straighten myself out and live within my means or I’m going to get royally screwed!” The whole nations’ economy would collapse. Mostly from the US government working its ass off to insure we keep importing useless crap from other countries to sell to people who have no money.
September 24th, 2008 at 9:36 PMUsing
Indeed, Crazylegs-
Excellent idea, Dart, we could offer to let them turn themselves in and pay a small fine just like illegal aliens! Brilliant!
Keep those ideas coming and you’ll be a correspondent in no time. Just not today, I’m still celebrating M’s promotion.
September 24th, 2008 at 10:00 PMUsing
Pick me! Pick me! :em01: :em01: :em01:
September 24th, 2008 at 10:01 PMUsing
If these wackjobs are gonna piss away 700 billion, why not give $2333.33 to every American?
That’d kick the economy in the ass!
(buy stock in Anheuser-Busch)
(sorry Mope, I meant Samuel Adams…) :em93:
September 24th, 2008 at 10:15 PMUsing
Never OT: Obama’s stupidity.
Check out the second photo in the “Reid to USA” post.
What’s wrong with this picture????
This, from the guy who dissed McCain for not being able to use a computer?
September 24th, 2008 at 10:53 PMUsing
Darth! Hooah! Brilliant! But seriously, we spoke about some of this stuff elsewhere. Things like, oh, McCain and O
September 25th, 2008 at 12:10 AMsamabama actually putting this campaign crap on hold and doing SENATOR work, which is what they are. B’HO coming out with his “the people need to know who’ll be dealing with this in 40 or so days”.A. Neither are POTUS yet. One WILL be, but right now they’re BOTH Senators. Do your fucking job as you were hired to do it.
B. I’m writing http://www.gop.com in the morning with this as a suggestion for a campaign ad. Point out this idiot doesn’t do the job he was hired to do, what gives you the idea he’ll make a decent President? :em38: Sorry, I’m just too pissed to organize this clearly. Pissed off, not pissed up.
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Tallulah. That was a photoshop by IMAO.
April 5, 2008
The “Obama talks into the wrong end of the phone” picture now has it’s own Snopes page, although it’s not attributed to IMAO.
Original post March 3, 2008
September 25th, 2008 at 6:34 AMThere Is an International Crisis at 3 A.M.; President Obama Answers the Call
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I was wondering something along those lines myself. What I had come up with is dividing the money amongst the borrowers (directly into their mortgage acccounts). I realize that this would be a major handout, but getting the loans in the first place was already government charity. I figure, ALL of the borrowers could be given a payment “vacation” including the late ones so as not to penalize the responsible payers. Then the companies would still receive the same income from the transaction, BUT a whole ‘nother round of vacated homes wouldn’t then flood the real estate market causing more downward prices and yet more bad economy.
On a personal level, I like your “give every American $2,333.33″ idea better.
September 25th, 2008 at 7:27 AMUsing
[...] The Secretary of the Treasury has an important message for the American people. * Bush: Congress Must Act to Save Stupid People * McCain to suspend campaign Similar Posts [...]
September 25th, 2008 at 9:22 AMUsing
Shi’ite, check out today’s Wall Street Journal editorial. Laura Ingraham was reading it on the air, and this is a powder keg! Haven’t seen it online, yet.
And guess who is involved in it as well? Jamie Gorelick. Yep, goes all the way back to the Clinton Administration.
September 25th, 2008 at 10:08 AMUsing
Totally OT, but hilarious:
The CT dems can’t bring themselves to admit that Joe Lieberman is done with them. They’re circulating a Censure on him for supporting McCain/Palin EVEN THOUGH HE IS NO LONGER A DEMOCRAT.
:em01: :em01: :em01: :em01: :em01: :em01: :em01:
September 25th, 2008 at 10:15 AMUsing
i just sent Mr. Liberman an email encouraging him to officially change over to the Republican party. if he were to do so it would create a 50-50 tie in the Senate. wouldn’t that be fun. :em93:
September 25th, 2008 at 10:58 AMUsing
As a taxpayer, I feel a sudden urge to reach into my back pocket. I’m still confused as to if I’m checking my wallet, my bleeding butthole, or if I’m feeling a subconcious urge to grab my 9mm.
Ja, Crazy, I know the feeling all too well, although with me I would be reaching for my .45. :em96:
Darth Bacon, a gute plan, but there is one problem. Since most of the volk who fall for these Nigerian scams are either elderly or lower SES (or just plain old fuckin’ stoopid) we would still be on the hook for the total because we would have to pay out an equal amount in social services (welfare, Soc. Sec., etc.).
So, our choice is take it up our ass either fast, hard, and dry or take it slow, soft, and smothered with the Vaseline of “collective social costs.” Either way, we’re buggered, mein freund.
LOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 25th, 2008 at 11:23 AMUsing
Hilljohnny, my Confederate komrade:
As for Herr Lieberman, I’m not sure I want him declaring Republican. We’ve got too many damned liberal Republicrats on the books as it is. On most issues, he might as well change his name to Kennedy. The 50% split in the Senate would make for some amusing bloodbaths, but most of the time we couldn’t count on Lieberman to come down on the Right side.
LOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 25th, 2008 at 11:29 AMUsing
OT because i can’t find the previous thread:
We were talking about books the other day. Last night i got my shipment from Amazon of IMPACT: The US Army Air Force Photographic History of WWII, which either MOPE or CHEAPSHOT suggested we should check out. IT IS FREAKING AMAZING. I RECEIVED A MINT CONDITION SET ALL WRAPPED INDIVIDUALLY AND WITH SUCH CARE I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. This book set will take up hours of time and it is just amazing.
September 25th, 2008 at 1:04 PMTHANKS MOPE OR CHEAPSHOT!
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Thaz’ Mope with the suggestion, but I sure know THAT set!
‘Gave Dad the set years ago for his birthday.
Freakin’ awesome photos and stories.
He was grateful, ‘mentioned the terrible stuff he was happy to forget.
“Yeah sure Dad, we understand.
But we’ll damn sure never forget, none of us if I can help it. Thanks for makin’ it home”
I’ll always love that Man. ‘Couldn’t be a prouder son.
There’ books, there’s literature, but Sir Christopher, what you have is a set of historical heirlooms, imho.
September 25th, 2008 at 1:32 PMAll the kids gotta see them, pass ‘em on. :em69: :em04: :em69:
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I agree Cheapshot, and am touched by the story of your dad!! I’ve only opened and thumbed through four of the nine volumes… i was not aware of the spike bombs for nailing railroads…nor was i aware of the air bombs that japs used to rain phosphorous down on the bombers below. There is a photo of a Mitchell or something flying at treetop level over a bunch of japs in dugout pits, and you can see them scrambling.
September 25th, 2008 at 1:42 PMUsing
*Tree top Flyer*
September 25th, 2008 at 1:59 PMDifferent war, same problems,, what to do with these deadly skills after the war.
Some go astray, sings Steven Stills.
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I’ve seen that set ……it’s magnificent. Is it still available?
Cheapshot, God bless your dad….so sad that the greatest generation is getting smaller in numbers.
Stephen Stills…..love his music, I think he’s one of the better guitarists around. But his politics suck!!!!
September 25th, 2008 at 2:42 PMHe lived in the hills outside of Boulder Colorado for years, in a place called Gold Hill. You’d see him in the local bars all the time and he would come down to jam with the local bands a lot. They’d take a break and come back with one more musician…..it was Stills……cool times.
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Here’s some spam we can agree with. It plunked into my inbox to-day, forwarded, as usual, by a “friend”.
September 25th, 2008 at 2:56 PMUsing
Oh you ain’t kiddin’ Jaybear.
September 25th, 2008 at 3:30 PMAin’t that a bitch?
No tellin’ how many great songs get written and played to our thrill,, then, a rancid message from moronsville jus’ flattens the beer. :em98: :em98: :em98:
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no way I could state that any better……it would make one hell of a song lyric man
September 25th, 2008 at 3:33 PMUsing
didn’t he (Stills) also provide the man goo for Melissa Etheridge and her turkey baster baby?
now BC THAT would be a fun photoshop. Melissa’s new baby, with lambchop sideburns, a heroin addiction and bad (worse) politics
September 25th, 2008 at 4:01 PMUsing
yeah I think he did Sir Chris,
he had a rep in the 70’s as a mean drunk. I stopped in to a local bar in Boulder when I got out of classes one day
and he was in there alone drinking away. I bought a beer for him and had the bartender walk it down to him, when he set it down and pointed at me Stills looked up and just glared at me….I thought he was going to come down and hit me.
Joe Walsh also lived up in the hills outside of Boulder, he recorded at Caribou Ranch which was a big recording studio located in the foothills outside of Boulder. You’d see him jamming with the local bands too, and he was pretty well toasted much of the time. Made for some great music though.
September 25th, 2008 at 4:07 PMUsing
i met jazz bassist Dave Holland last night! At Yoshi’s in San Francisco. They have the most exquisite fusion japanese things you can order in the jazz club, though the main restaurant, which i have not tried, looks INSANE. I got Holland’s entire Sextet to sign my CD of theirs, which came out recently.
September 25th, 2008 at 4:18 PMUsing
[...] Courtesy Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler. [...]
September 25th, 2008 at 9:24 PMUsing
[...] The obligatory bailout spam parody. [...]
September 26th, 2008 at 8:09 AMUsing
[...] by Stephen Green on 27 Sep 2008 at 08:13 am Now this is [...]
September 27th, 2008 at 9:13 AMUsing