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Jun
01
2008
You First, EcoFreaks
Posted by: in Deserving Death, Ecofreaks, Global Wormening, Junk "Science"9:08 AM
WARNING: Before reading this post, please secure the area around yourself of any throwable objects and ensure that your chambers are clear of rounds. You have been warned.
The Cult of Gaia™ has finally left the Shallow End of the Gene Pool™, waded under the floating “Danger!” marker and stepped directly into the depths of the Stoopid Abyss™.
Rope. Tree. Human Extinction Advocates. Some Assembly Required. (aka “Goreacolytes”)
F.E.T.E.
Entries (RSS)
I must say that I’m amazed at how overconfident and arrogant the left has become. They actually feel they can openly drop their “for the good of the whole” mask and show their true evil face. Margaret Sanger is cracking a wicked dark smile in hell right now.
June 1st, 2008 at 9:18 AMUsing
I sincerely hope the freaks that came up with that drivel, take the “test” themselves…..then abide by the results.
June 1st, 2008 at 10:02 AMI know, wishful thinking.
Using
Please…if all eco freaks, commies and other leftist scum did take this test and then, upon completion, find out they should have never lived, and string a organic rope around their neck, and hang themselves from the next best tree, so the vultures can pick off the meat, no problem.
However, as anyone can expect, they’ll first ask all others to do that.
June 1st, 2008 at 10:12 AMUsing
It would appear the tactics of the left have shifted from incrementalism to full bore assault on the their most valued and softest target, the chiiiiildren. To intentionally destroy the fabric of this great nation is beyond treasonous and to target the weakest among us while the sheeple graze obliviously is a greater travesty. This “It’s all about ME generation will go down in history as the generation that ushered in the demise of all that is good and decent as they scratch their self-absorbed asses and wonder why there quality of life went south.
The question of why the full bore assault is being implemented now should be addressed. Is it overconfidence and arrogance or is it something much more sinister. The takeover of the public education system and dumbing-down of our future’s best and brightest to “level the playing field” goes against all reason if one’s intentions are to advance civilization for the betterment of society as a whole. Someone’s being fed a Bullshit sammich and I for one ain’t biting. Now the state governments not recognizing home-school diplomas for qualification to be considered for government positions (postal workers, educators, etc.) will exclude some of the most productive and reasonable thinking members of the next generation of leaders.
I’m beginning to believe the shadow government theories may have some merit. If so, what pray tell is the ultimate goal, what has to be done to expose it, and how much time is left before they reach critical mass?
Damn, I thought Beelzebub and Hoghead had problems.
LC D’
June 1st, 2008 at 10:14 AMUsing
What the hell - my kid is 12 and if he ever told me he shouldnt be alive I would freak out, I had a hard enough time when the school had him calculate his carbon footprint and told me we were ruing the earth! Oh yea he doesnt believe anymore Mom took care of that an his damn teacher!
June 1st, 2008 at 10:27 AMUsing
That is the most vile piece of environmental/communist extremism I have ever seen! I took the test and it appears I should not have lived past the tender age of about 17 months! Why? Because I spent a shitload of money! The “calculator” doesn’t bother to adjust for major expenditures pertaining to housing, clothing, land, farm equipment, transportation… BUT, if you spent your money exclusively supporting so-called “green” industries… well you can add a few years to your miserable, carbon-spewing life. The last frame shows a splodiating (fairly graphic, I might add), fat, ugly pig. If you enter all defaults and don’t spend a dime on green industry, you visit the Sleepshop at age 48.1! If you spend ALL your money with the Greenie Weenies… You are IMMORTAL! It is interesting that they use a flying pig to illustrate “green” immortality.
Obviously (and in keeping with communist doctrine), this kid’s
“game”propaganda is heavily skewed against capitalism. The more you spend, the larger your carbon-footyprint pig becomes. Screw the concept that the money you spend helps countless others stay employed and their families fed. Of course, in the ideal “Green” world, humans don’t even exist.Folks, they are starting to hit our kids HARD with enviro-extremist/communist indoctrination! We need to jettison these
June 1st, 2008 at 10:37 AMGreenCommie Creeps off the planet (I hear Venus is nice this time of year :em93: ). Or at least out of policy making positions. Maybe we should all take vacation at the same time and converge on Washington. You know, so our Congress Critters can see several million clear thinkers who are absolutely fed up our Gubmint supporting this massive environmental bullshit scam. :em98:Using
How long has this been going on? The cheesy graphics there had a 2003 copyright.
I’ve emailed my friend whose sister and 2 year old neice live down under. I’ve got to find the skinny on this. :em96: :em72:
June 1st, 2008 at 10:49 AMUsing
Ah, the last question is the really good one! Slide those bars over and see how ‘investing’ in carbon credits shrinks your little piggie! A mere 20% of your income applied to this segment allows you to live forever. Yes, give the Prophet Al Gore a double tithe (10% doesn’t cut it unless you blow more than 50% of your income on hippie living) and he shall graciously grant you the right to live. :em72:
This is the greatest scam I have ever seen. I am impressed even as I am appalled.
June 1st, 2008 at 10:56 AMUsing
I’ve known for years. They don’t love this planet, they simply hate humanity. A perverse sense of relevance pervades the mindset of these hateful losers. But just wait until they are asked to give up something, for didn’t you know> , Caring renders them exempt. Lock and load folks, the only people I feel compassion for are those foolish enough to buy into this drivel.
June 1st, 2008 at 10:56 AMUsing
I wonder if we had all the eco-freaks, global warming supporters, and socialists put into [something that doesn't harm the environment] and removed from existence, would Gaia forgive the rest of us since we’ve reduced the impact of humanity on the planet? Would that offering be enough?
June 1st, 2008 at 11:00 AMUsing
By everything that is sacred to me, this is obscene to the tenth power!!! And to deliberately target children means a clear intention of setting a mindset in them… Remember “Logan’s Run” anyone..? These sinister socialists will not face us down themselves for they are mere chicken sh.t, but will use the apathy of the sheeple to achieve their aims.
This generation will be taught to cull its oldest members then wait patiently for their turn. And our so-called leaders are making it easier for these rabid leftards to do so, thinking they will be spared once these same socialist monsters have established total power.
But WE are watching, WE own the guns and the knowhow, WE will not go quietly into the night lefties, as successful as you will deem yourselves to be, WE are watching…
June 1st, 2008 at 11:01 AMUsing
An interesting aside…
A couple of hours ago, I looked at the NWS forecast for my town. “Partly cloudy, 0% chance for rain.” Right now? Thunder and rain.
And we can somehow reliably predict climate change over the next 100 years? And we are going to make sweeping changes in society based on those predictions?
If it looks like a pig, acts like a pig, smells like a pig and makes pigshit like a pig… Putting lipstick on it and calling it Jessica Alba doesn’t make it Jessica Alba.
June 1st, 2008 at 11:07 AMUsing
I love that WE, Hardclimber…..and you are correct. I know how to use my guns, not an expert, but competent. Even old and enfeebled one day, I will know more than these young fools, and if necessary, I will fight them, and shoot to kill. They hate the farmers, yet how would they eat, they hate the oil companies, yet how would they produce lubricants, plastic, not to mention diesel and gasoline? For one thing they forget, what would I have to lose at eighty versus they at twenty or so?…….And I would feel great anger at knowing what our respective peoples have lost. For these fools remain delusional, theirs is no nirvana, no bambi world, no instrinsic basic goodness to much of human nature. We find that in ourselves, some of us anyway……….. They are hopelessly neurotic, and now it is metastasizing into a psychosis, far more dangerous.
June 1st, 2008 at 11:10 AMUsing
June 1st, 2008 at 11:15 AMLipstick on a Pig
Using
I posted this over at BlameBush. It will be interesting to see the leftish screechers reactions.
I’m wondering .. how much of a carbon spike would it make to shoot the worthless sod who designed this in the head? :em96:
And I’m PROUD to say it said I should die at age 1.4. That means every day I EXIST is an affront to those psychotic asshats.
I’m going to go get breakfast … fast food mind you, hop in my car and drive MAYBE 2 miles total to get it. I may even gun my engine a couple of times just to add to the Gorebull Warming effect :em95:
June 1st, 2008 at 11:17 AMUsing
Indeed. If the problem is excess humanity, and it means so much to them that there should be less humans, they should lead the way. How simple an answer. You think humanity is the problem, go die.
June 1st, 2008 at 11:23 AMUsing
Damn…..I’ve been dead over fifty years, who woulda’ guessed?
June 1st, 2008 at 11:24 AMUsing
LC Intellectual Conservative
Great idea!!! Make that 2 eggs, sunny side up, white toast, hashbrowns and, of course, BACON… My treat Sir, should you care to join me, then we can take a sightseeing drive just for the fun of it!
Any leftards wussies out there wanting to stop us..?
June 1st, 2008 at 11:26 AMUsing
What’s worse is what happens if you answer the quiz with all the “green” answers.
I shit you not.
But, don’t dare call these people cultists. Seriously, all that’s missing are purple death shrouds and matching Nikes.
June 1st, 2008 at 11:27 AMUsing
Hardclimber, today I am pondering the following:
Steak
4 scrambled eggs
Hash browns
Biscuits and gravy
4 fried jalapenos
A couple of sodas to wash it down
Screw these environazis in the neck. Sideways.
June 1st, 2008 at 11:32 AMUsing
:em01: Holy shit! It really does say “You can live forever”! :em01:
Fucking vain bastards! :em99:
June 1st, 2008 at 11:33 AMUsing
I put in the answers which apply to my 11 month old daughter and it says she should die at 5.8 years.
Someone .. please kindly fetch me a loaded RPG-7 or a good old fashioned loaded bazooka ..
June 1st, 2008 at 11:36 AMUsing
LC Intellectual Conservative
I must have one of these around here somewhere… Just gimme a moment…
June 1st, 2008 at 11:41 AMUsing
This is from my local (south side of Chicago - you know, those “whiteys’ that B.O. nad his religous thugs hate so much) paper this morning…
It’s Not Easy Being Green: Environmentalists are gaining ground throughout the U.S. - but not in the Southland
BY GUY TRIDGELL Staff writer
Green, schmeen.Nothing can get a south suburbanite’s mustache off kilter quicker than getting accused of not climbing on the bandwagon of the latest sissy trend fast enough. We here are legendary for embracing yesterday’s trends tomorrow.
Remember Disco Demolition Night? An entire genre of popular music was brought to its knees by a gang of rowdy South Siders on a fiery night at the old Comiskey Park. One day, we’re telling the world what we think by blowing up a big pile of their vinyl records in the outfield at 35th Street and Shields Avenue.
Are we watching history repeat itself? The green movement might be gaining momentum elsewhere. It’s just not getting much traction around here.
Why? Maybe because going green is getting, well, kind of stupid.
Let’s face it, you tree huggers out there, you have become part of a huge marketing gimmick. You are getting played for a buck. When the obituary for the green movement is written, it’s probably going to start with a south suburban dateline.
Consider:
• Trader Joe’s. The hawker of fancy “groceries,” such as free-range salmon and organic dental floss, is refusing to put out much of a welcome mat in these parts. Don’t even go looking for Whole Foods and its famed arugula, whatever that is.
• Electric cars. Try finding a true electric vehicle in these parts. None of this hybrid nonsense, but a car that runs strictly on batteries. A dealership for electric cars opened in Oak Forest last year. It closed after a few months.
• Solar energy. Looking to use the sun to heat your water and power your home? Just one guy in the south suburbs sells solar panels. He’s in Thornton. And he’s still waiting for that first customer.
• Carbon offsets. This latest fad within the green fad allows airline passengers to pay a little extra on their fares. Bill Frank, a Homewood travel agent, said he is waiting for the first call from a south suburban client who even utters the words “carbon footprint.”
Lionel Trepanier, leader of a local environmentalist group known as the South Metro Greens, has learned that being an environmentalist in the Southland can mean sticking out like a sore thumb at times. His reasons for why it ain’t happening? Here, collars are blue. Trepanier said global corporations for years have preached that environmental causes are bad for businesses and job growth. But according to Trepanier, it’s those same corporations that are exporting jobs to countries with lax environmental laws, leaving the blue-collar worker to suffer.
St. Xavier University biological sciences professor Christopher Appelt believes that day is coming.
Appelt said being green historically meant having a particular political bent. And while we might be Democrats around here, we’re not necessarily the liberal Democrats.
When it comes to going green, we are still old school. It’s enough to make a Southland resident want to throw in the towel when it comes to converting to a green lifestyle. At least he knows it might take up some good space in a landfill.
http://www.southtown.....ry.article
June 1st, 2008 at 12:00 PMUsing
…With an axe. :em12:
June 1st, 2008 at 12:25 PMUsing
I’d be more than happy to loan you my katana, Forger. Just please clean it when you are finished. :em93:
June 1st, 2008 at 12:28 PMUsing
I took Prof.
SchpinkeeMengele’s greenhouse test. Looks like I’ve been dead for 52.4 years……sure was fun splodin’ that pig though, he blowed up reeeeeal good :em93:.This is nothing short of an eco freak version of the Final Solution. That is what they are really advocating and for them to aim it at children is unforgivable. If they want to eliminate those of us who they deem as inferior then let it begin, it will be interesting to see who’s left standing in this less populous world.
Lead the way greenies……kill yourselves
June 1st, 2008 at 12:29 PMUsing
It is interesting though, that these same ideologists are all for open borders. Their idea of helping the planet is “Let’s bring the third world here to join us in expanding our C0₂ footprint!”
June 1st, 2008 at 12:53 PMUsing
Well, just played the game, and I guess I’m ahead of the curve. I mean, I’ve only overlived my life by about 32 years. I’ve already decided how I’m signing out, too: cremation, preferably on somebody’s woodpile.
June 1st, 2008 at 3:16 PMUsing
That test said that I should have been dead for ten years. :em12:
dm60462
If I’m not mistaken, I believe there is a Trader Joe’s in Orland Park,probably because of the rich snobs that live out there that can afford to shop there. There is also an Oberweis dairy store out in Tinley Park on 159th and Harlem. It sells milk that I guess you can call organic (No BGH or antibiotics), and it actually tastes pretty good.
June 1st, 2008 at 3:19 PMUsing
:em12: :em12: This why enviromentalists have gotten a bad name, due to freaks like that. I believe in being careful but exposing kids to that is just too much.
June 1st, 2008 at 3:24 PMUsing
Watermelons :em38: That’s what they are. fucking watermelons! :em12:
There is an answer which will allow you to help Mother Earth - compost your local environmentalist. :em02: In the shallow part of your garden. :em72: He’ll make your radishes and cucumbers grow so much better. :em01:
June 1st, 2008 at 4:16 PMUsing
We’ve got 2 TJ’s and a Whole Paycheck out here. There’s a few things that I can get at TJ’s that I can’t find anywhere else, but I tend to stay away from all of their organic crap. I stay away from Whole Paycheck because it’s too damned expensive for what you get.
June 1st, 2008 at 4:40 PMUsing
I grew up in Ohio but live in Huntington Beach CA .. I don’t do healthy food. I rarely exercise and eat everything bad for me .. I’m former Air Force, a MORMON, and I don’t care about environmental causes for the most part. PLUS my carbon footprint means I should have been dead 42 years ago. My very EXISTENCE is an affront to those types. It is just one more reason why every day is a joy in its’ own way - it infuriates the nutjob left in infinite ways :em95: :em95: :em01: :em01:
June 1st, 2008 at 4:45 PMUsing
I’m glad that there were prefatory warnings before I saw this game. I almost lost it. Anyway this is a letter I sent to the Australian Broadcasting Network on their website.
What a wonderful game for dimwit subhuman scum like yourselves. Did you ever think that your bloody game could traumatize childen. Or are you a bunch of homosexual Nazis that are into snuff movies and games. You’re lower than beasts. Even a meat-eating preditor wouldn’t get their kicks from scaring children let alone using them for a some stinking pig blood fetish fantasy you scum have. I hope that soon all of you who made up this game and your distributors die a horrible, painful and disfiguring death.
June 1st, 2008 at 4:54 PMUsing
Just remember people, the larger your carbon footprint, the more the trees love you. Thus, if you do everything the Gaia worshipers want, you actually HATE trees (and they, of course, hate YOU).
June 1st, 2008 at 5:42 PMUsing
Ahhh yes, the wonderful and much loved “ABC” . Our own (taxpayer funder) version of the BBC.
Run by a bunch of rabid leftists, for a target audience of other rabid leftists.
They’d all be investigating career opportunities in fast food service if it were up to me.
June 1st, 2008 at 6:46 PMUsing
I have an idea that may help us energy hogs out …. we can accumulate carbon offsets for every hippie we send back to mother gaia.
June 1st, 2008 at 6:46 PMUsing
They can all suck on my carbon
footlongfootprint.
June 1st, 2008 at 7:09 PMUsing
Sick fucks. Aiming that BS at children? 2-1 is to good for ‘em. Gut shot, one, in the middle of the swamp, after a good old fashioned hobbling of course. Let Gaia take care of ‘em. We’ll see how much they love her when all of her little creepy crawlies are gnawing away at their innards. Now I need to go re-read Rainbow Six, just for pure poetic justice.
BC, beautiful footprint buddy, CO2, lets kick it up a notch! (h/t to Radical.)
June 1st, 2008 at 7:44 PMUsing
J Bear nailed it. The targets of this pseudo-game are the people the left hates the most; the ‘Cleavers.
June 1st, 2008 at 7:57 PMYes, that’s the raison d’etre of these lowlifes. Exterminate the Cleavers. They are, (were), the ultimate
cultural cowpat the leftards have been fighting since 1960. This fictional lily-white suburban family is the cause of it all. And they are winning. With the oil price at current levels forcing people to ditch their V-8s, the eco-nazis are eyeing their ultimate prize. Increase prices and taxation to the point where the middle class can’t afford to have children. Their parents were Ward and June. And that’s what they are trying to live down by destroying our families. Every businessman and housewife must die to satisfy their lust for cultural primacy. Until then, the nuclear family is still ‘normal’. The leftards want to redefine that word more than they want to draw one more breath.
Right you are J Bear. There oughta be a bounty on ‘em!
Using
I don’t mind electric cars…if it’ll save me lots of money…then I can travel the world on all those jumbo jets. Screw them; I hate people who try to take the fun out of all the fun things in life. Live your life the way you want to, but f**k you if you try to dictate to me how to live mine.
June 1st, 2008 at 7:59 PMUsing
Hmmm…I should have died at age 5.2 :em04: Guess I am 39 years overdue for my dirt nap!!
June 1st, 2008 at 8:10 PMSeriously, I think this would scare the hell out of some kids…what a bunch of jackasses for putting something like this up. :em96:
Using
I almost forgot …
June 1st, 2008 at 8:16 PMUsing
Oh, and another thing… :em96:
June 1st, 2008 at 8:21 PMUsing
Why don’t they just
June 1st, 2008 at 8:26 PMsacrificekill themselves already for Mother Gaia? Selfish bastards.Using
If Im already supposed to be dead….. do I still have to pay taxes?
Somebody referenced the movie “Logans Run” (book was better) for those that dont know the premise. The world was over populated, at birth each “citizen” was implanted with a crystal. When the crystal turned green or red it was time to report to a central location for termination. Of course they didnt call it termination they called it some happy crappy name. Movie revolved around two persons that decided that they didnt want to die at age 21 and were trying to make it to a rumoured “underground” where they could continue to live. Because of course if you didnt turn yourself in voluntarily , they (the authorities came and got you)
It would be intersting to determine the name of the designer(s) of this program. I wonder what thier age is, etc. etc. And I swear on my life, that if I ever find anyone feeding this kind of crap to my child I will cause them to require extensive medical treatment for multiple contusions to the head, ribs, and buttocks. I monitor my childs “educational” material very closely.
June 1st, 2008 at 9:28 PMUsing
Apparently I died 45 years ago. I always wondered why the buzzards circled overhead when I went rockclimbing, now I know. As for the poor little piggy exploding like a muzzie in a crowded market, I think the graphics over at joecartoon.com in his Microgerbil 2000 are much better, more amusing, and certainly more satifying than that lame aussie website.
June 1st, 2008 at 9:45 PMUsing
Comment by LC TerribleTroy
I mentioned the “Sleepshop” in #6. That was where you reported to when reaching the age of 21 (in the book). The age was 30 in the movie and you reported to “Carousel,” not Sleepshop. Some other trivia barely worth mentioning is that Logan’s Run was the first movie released in Dolby Stereo and a remake has been in on/off status for years. Leonardo DiCaprio was slated to play Logan at one point. Betcha could have gone the rest of your life not knowing that stuff and would have been just as happy.
The Enviroloonies would have a non-stop orgasm if they could turn us common folk and unbelievers into Soylent Green by age 21. Of course, you just KNOW the enlightened elite would be exempt. :em72:
June 1st, 2008 at 11:14 PMUsing
“The Enviroloonies would have a non-stop orgasm if they could turn us common folk and unbelievers into Soylent Green by age 21. Of course, you just KNOW the enlightened elite would be exempt.”
But don’t the lefties ALWAYS say … “THIS TIME IT WILL BE DIFFERENT !!”
lolol …
Environazi. Woodchipper. Gravity. Some assembly required.
As for the woodchipper, I figured an environmentally friendly death would appeal to them :em95:
June 1st, 2008 at 11:19 PMUsing
[...] B.C, the Imperial Torturer at the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler: “You first.” He proceeds to add instructions: Rope. Tree. Human Extinction Advocates. Some Assembly Required. Possibly related posts: [...]
June 2nd, 2008 at 12:04 AMUsing
I’ve overshot my limit by about 46 years. However, if I kill 10 envirotards it will be a wash, right? Those are the kind of offsets I can get behind!
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:44 AMUsing
I shouldn’t have lived over 4.5 years, and I made sure to convert my salary into Aussie dollars. My pig went zeppelin when I entered the meager salary I make. I tried to reduce the size by fudging where I could, but to no avail.
I’m just going to kill myself now that I realize I’ve used up 49 years I wasn’t worthy of. :em01:
June 2nd, 2008 at 4:19 AMUsing
You want to fudge? Try telling the thing that you spend 25% of your income on Goricle Green Investments, and you can live forever!
June 2nd, 2008 at 5:08 AMUsing
How’s this for IN YOUR FACE? Dishnetwork is advertising the debut of the New GREEN NETWORK—subscribe today!
LC D’
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:22 AMUsing
YAY!!! I shouldve died when I was 5.5!
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:25 AM:em02:
Using
2.8
Hoo-Ah!
- MuscleDaddy
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:56 PMUsing
And here’s another little gem from Australia ..
I cringed when I read this …
:em95: :em38: :em98:
June 2nd, 2008 at 6:31 PMUsing
“USING FIRE BRIGADE EQUIPMENT”
Holy sh*t!!!! What they do? Wedge things open with an ax and flush ‘em out with the fire hose? Still cleaning up the mess I’ll bet!
LC D’
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:14 PMUsing
fmwoods01, by “nether regions” they meant “he had stainless steel washers around his wee willie wanker” and NOT “jammed up his poop chute”.
:em01: :em99: :em01: :em99:
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:40 PMUsing
At least he was using stainless steel washers… Nothing turns a woman off worse than having rusty nuts.
:em01: :em99: :em01: :em99: :em01: :em99:
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:42 PMUsing
I guess he watched “Iron Man” one time too many over the past couple of weeks.
:em01: :em99: :em01: :em99:
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:44 PMUsing
“After continually hearing the blokes at the pub talk about a rather brave local chap (who was also quite the ladies man) having ‘cast iron balls’, the unfortunate gentleman decided that he’d had enough and attempted to ‘one-up’ them all, much to his ever-lasting chagrin.”
June 2nd, 2008 at 8:50 PMUsing
BC’s got the pun book out tonight! :em01:
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:01 PMUsing
You just can’t make up shit like this… It’s an official “Imperial Stainless Steel Cock Ring”!
(And we weren’t even aware that Misha had landed the endorsement deal!)
:em01: :em99: :em01: :em99: :em01: :em99:
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:19 PMUsing
Ya know I used to think I was crazy….. I’ve had a couple of medical “professionals” diagnois me ….. but I digress. what Im really wondering is how in the fuck does this thought process work? I mean what ? Your sitting in your living room, watching some tv… and this thought crosses your mind “You know I think it’d be pretty cool to put a bunch of washers on my pecker! In fact Im gonna do that right now!” WTF OVER! I just dont get it…
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:39 PMUsing
From looking at the photo only one of those objects would go around something bigger than a soda straw. That’s the split lock washer which appears to be a 1/2 “. So this guy certainly had his shit together.
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:12 PMUsing
I saw a 72 year old patient at an unnamed Houston Hospital that used a ziplock bag to insert a rather large sweet potato up his flabby ass. When he tried to remove it, the bag broke leaving this grand yam in his rectum. Bought a trip to the operating room AND a souvenir colostomy! The radiograph was hilarious! You can’t really see the yam, only the gas pattern around it. Unmistakable what it was! I really believe 3/4s of the hospital staff had seen that x-ray within a half-hour of it’s arrival on the ER light box!
I hear when they removed it and a runner was carrying the specimen to pathology, someone from the cafeteria staff was walking by and asked the runner “You’re not going to throw that away, are you?” :em01:
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:33 PMUsing
I never saw anything like that in the ER (spent fours working in one in the later 80’s). But I did run across one poor women whose appendix had ruptured during intercourse. You just know that husband wasnt going to be getting any for a VERY long time.
But really, I always wondered why folks seem fascinated with the thought of inserting something into that which was designed as an exit only portal.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:45 PMUsing
Well then, allow me, since this thread has somehow turned into “shop talk” and I just can’t resist talking shop (and I’m still laughing my arse off about the sweet potato).
Sadly, I didn’t experience this one personally since it wasn’t on my shift, but one of my very best friends was on duty at the time and relayed the story to me in great detail.
This guy, obviously ever adventurous when it came to inserting strange and highly inappropriate objects into his nethers, had decided that the usual “kicks” weren’t quite up to snuff, so he took it one step further. What led him to make his fateful decision is a matter between him and G-d since he sure as Hell wasn’t telling when report was taken, but one might guess that he, while sitting on the throne one day and bemoaning the fact that none of his usual gimmicks had quite the same pizazz to them that they used to, eyed the toilet brush and thought to himself: “Hmmm… I wonder if…?”
He would have been better off to leave it at that, but then my buddy and I (and now you) would have been without a story.
At some point he made the fateful decision to turn his fantasy into reality and, G-d knows where and how, inserted said toilet brush into the opening that was designed as an exit only. Maybe he started with the handle first and found that it wasn’t quite enough, who knows?, but at any rate he ended up shoving the implement up there, bristles first.
No Mensa candidate he, he hadn’t quite thought that one through because, as I’m sure that most of you have already figured out, whereas the bristles folded down nicely on the way IN, providing easy ingress, they weren’t quite as co-operative when he attempted egress. They wanted to spread out, so to speak, which obviously prevented him from extracting the sanitary tool from his rectum.
Having tried, unsuccessfully, to rectify (pun very much intended) the situation autonomously for a while, he finally realized the hopelessness of his predicament and dialed 911 or, as it was over there, 112, and the paramedics arrived at the scene to find him seated on the porcelain throne, it being the only place he could comfortably sit with a rather long handle sticking out of his posterior.
Choking back guffaws and chuckles, the poor paramedics were now faced with a predicament of their own, since they obviously couldn’t position him in the customary position on the gurney either, so they placed him in the prone position and, displaying the courtesy and sensitivity for which the Danes have become justly famous, draped a sheet over him and his sit-upon to at least attempt to conceal his sad situation. Never mind that, as he was rolled into the ER, the whole display resembled a circus tent rather a lot.
Just how the surgical team managed to fix the situation I do not know, but they did. All I do know is that the poor guy became an instant celebrity and that there was no member of staff at my old stomping grounds that did not soon learn of his story.
Good times. Gooooood times.
June 3rd, 2008 at 2:00 AMUsing
My dad was a doctor and he saw a lot of strange stuff, but I don’t think any of his stories could top that toilet brush one!
He did get a Mexican guy that came in one time screaming with pain. Apparently, he had hemmorhoids and a communication snafu with the pharmacist led to the purchase and application of Deep Heating Rub rather than Preparation H.
Then there was the kid with the gash on his foot and the burn on his butt. This kid came running into the kitchen to find his mom because he had badly cut his foot. She picked him up to look at his foot and set him on the electric stove, forgetting that the burner was on!
And there was the guy who was having a bachelor party and had a peeing contest with his friends. They were on an elevated deck in back of his house and he got too close to the edge, fell off and broke his leg. Married on crutches.
Then there was the guy who got busted up at the local rodeo, bull riding. The paramedics accidentally dropped him loading him into the aid car AND shut his hand in the door on the way into the clinic.
However, I don’t recall any stories regarding people’s perversions.
One of my friends did work at the admitting desk at the hospital in town, and they had a guy come in who had shoved a speaker wire up his wang. I thought my husband was going to faint when she told us that story. I personally can’t relate! What on earth would possess someone to do something like that?
June 3rd, 2008 at 2:40 PMUsing
Very good stuff here! Very good!
Some other examples of human de-evolution:
1) The man in a central Texas town who cut off his penis and put it in the mailbox. The traumatized mailman promptly reported the find to the police. (Perhaps because it had insufficient postage?)
2) The man at a SE Texas Holiday Inn that claimed to have fallen in the shower on a round ended curtain rod that he could not extract. Why the curtain rod was in the shower was not fully explained.
3) The Houston-area woman with a gear shift lever imbedded in her thigh as a result of having sex with her boyfriend while he was driving the truck they were in. (The ditch they went into was an unintended detour!)
4) The man who sustained extensive 2° burns over his head, face and torso because he came home drunk again - and his pissed-off wife splashed him with boiling grease while he lay passed out on the couch.
5) The man in jail on his hands and knees barking like a dog. I told the cops he need a veterinarian, not a paramedic.
6) The SE Texas area woman who loved to fake seizures… until drunks at a bar performed CPR on her while she tried to fight them off.
7) The Houston area jewel of human evolution who used to hit the side of cars and claim to have been the victim of an auto pedestrian accident. Loved the ambulance ride, he did. Well, at least until he was run down by a city bus he was trying to do the same thing to. He survived the accident but ended up with a colostomy. Shortly thereafter, he returns to the ER with a discharge coming from his colostomy. Diagnosis: gonorrhea. (Ewwww :em38: )
I have more… :em93:
June 3rd, 2008 at 3:46 PMUsing
I have one that, fortunately, I was not there for. A buddy of mine was doing his clinical ride along’s for his EMT license. They got a call of a lady with severe cramps. When they asked as part of their assessment if she was menstruating she said yes. They asked if there had been anything unusual about this period and she said that she had not been able to insert her tampon.
The lady was rather large, and promptly volunteered the paramedics a look see. The smell almost made my friend puke. What did make him puke was when they saw whey she had not been able to insert her tampon. It was because although she had been using tampons for about five years, she had never learned to remove any of them.
Just kept packing them in.
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:48 PM:em38:
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Ahh yes .. the visuals … nine day old linguini in clam sauce …
June 3rd, 2008 at 7:54 PMUsing
Im not a Dr… although I still like to play Dr…… but anyway …..5 freaking years?? Seems like she would’ve gotten septic before than great a period of time. But you know….Im not really surprised at this story…. hopefully the Drs that “treated” her were kinda enough to disable her reproduction capability, just to stop the perpetuation of STUPID.
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:00 PMUsing
She was septic by that point Troy, and that took care of her ever reproducing. Damn, now I’ve given myself the hebby jeebies thinking of that story again. That story was one of the reasons why I decided to just stay BLS certified and never go for EMT or Paramedic. I don’t need any more gross out stories.
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:13 PMUsing
Thanks for that visual Crunchie. :em38: Just please keep this in mind when I puke on your shoes next week. :em99:
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:19 PMUsing
I remember one time I was helping my mom out mailing invoices at the clinic. This large-ish lady came in (she owned a pig farm) wearing overalls and muck boots (no shirt or brassiere, just the overalls - and the boots were leaving a trail). She didn’t lower her voice as she announced for anyone who cared to hear that she was there because of a uterine infection. Those people who say doctors get paid too much, don’t have a full appreciation for what they do. IMHO, they earn every penny. Both my parents were health professionals. All of my brothers and I went for other avenues of employment!
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:20 PMUsing
Quite welcome Mrs. M.
Considerring hows I did that very thing to my mom when I was 16 (Cute blond, a quarter, Jack Daniels, don’t ask.) I guess I really couldn’t complain.
June 3rd, 2008 at 8:24 PMUsing
More…
1) The man in Southwest Houston who died because his coworkers at the automotive repair shop “helped” him with his constipation by blowing compressed air up his ass.
2) The man in Northeast Houston who exited the gene pool when he plugged in a weedwhacker while standing in a pool of rain water.
3) The man who lost his nuts and had both of his legs crushed after he decided to take a nap under an idling tractor-trailer rig at a truck stop.
4) The “Family Man” who brought a male prostitute to his home and was shot in the head by the same. His family found him the next morning, 99% dead, but only quit watching TV long enough to see us load him onto a helicopter for the last ride of his life. In his family’s defense, they were watching the Saturday morning cartoon version of the A-Team.
5) The despondent man who shot himself twice in the head with a .22 rifle. Both bullets glanced off his skull.
6) The young man who experienced “coming and going at the same time” when he died in his closet during erotic asphyxia (masturbating while hanging oneself - Choking the chicken while choking one’s neck - well, you get the idea).
At any given time, humankind possesses a finite amount of knowledge. Humankind’s potential for stupidity, however, is infinite.
June 3rd, 2008 at 9:00 PMUsing
Of speaker leads up the schween, I want the output per channel and the response curve both channels driven at full power. The bottom line here is total harmonic distortion with the unknown factor being how many ohms resistance for the average pecker.
June 4th, 2008 at 5:15 PM2. The Letter Carrier did not collect the male organ from the mailbox for the following reasons; homeland security regulations require all small peckages not bearing full return address be mailed only over the counter after acceptance by the clerk unless the sender is known to the carrier personally. It must be labeled “non-machinable”. Other endorsements and charges for ’special handling’, fragile, rattle o.k. are optional. I need not mention obscene materials as that is the Postal Inspectors bailiwick.
In other news, our Branch President announced at todays retirees meeting that a joint resolution has been submitted by branches on the left coast allowing male Letter Carriers to wear kilts on the route, to our national convention in Boston next month. He showed a photo. It’s a variation on the female cullotte-skirt with different pleats, no pockets, no sporan, and no comment from the D.O.D. which governs all uniform requirements. This gives a whole new meaning to the words ‘blue moon.’
:em01:
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Spoken like a true audiophile …
June 4th, 2008 at 6:41 PMUsing